The Secret to Relationship Satisfaction

At the core of relationship satisfaction is trust.

Not the illusion of trust that we often learn from society. But real trust.

What is real trust?

I’ll get into that in a second.

But first, let’s look at what happens when real trust is missing.

In the absence of trust, honesty can often be perceived as a threat.

For example, let’s say you want to spend with your lover, but you’re exhausted and need to recharge before you’re able to connect.

Subconsciously being honesty might feel risky. You might ask “What if my lover feels rejected by my boundaries?”

Or let’s say you notice attraction towards someone (a normal human thing), even though you have no intention of acting on it.

Subconsciously you might fear “What if my lover isn’t able to hold the fear and jealousy? What if it sends them down a spiral? What if my honesty destabilizes the relationship?”

It often feels safer keeping it a secret.

But secrets reflect the absence of trust. 

Modern society doesn’t teach the necessary skills for emotional intimacy. It teaches you to relate from a place of fear and control.

This scarcity programming can be quite painful to experience, particularly in relationships where you truly care for each other.

Because real trust is rooted in honesty. Transparency.

But scarcity programming makes honesty appear threatening. So as long as it doesn’t feel safe to be honest, there’s no opportunity for real trust to grow.

Humans are wired for connection, so disconnection can feel painful. It can feel even more painful to want to trust someone you love and yet not know how to. It can feel confusing to care for someone so deeply and yet feel disconnected.

You wanna believe that this person will stay by your side no matter what. That they’ll love you unconditionally, even — and especially — amidst your imperfections.

And yet you don’t know how to surrender into trust. You don’t know how to let go of the urge to control that stems from fear.

You might seek to change yourself or your lover to maintain the relationship. Or you might limit how they socialize or who they socialize with because you feel threatened. But these behaviors only make the relationship feel less secure.

A recipe for suffering

Attempting to build trust by exerting control only creates suffering because real trust cannot be obtained through scarcity.

So when you’re grasping for trust through fear and control, you’re pushing yourself further away from it. And the further you drift from trust, the more disconnected you feel, and the more you chase after it.

An endless cycle of suffering.

But what if honesty wasn’t a threat to your relationship?

What if it strengthened it?

What if you were able to express yourself honestly without fearing for your safety?

What if you could experience deeper levels of connection?

What if relating wasn’t dominated by fear? What if it could be easeful? And joyful?

What if suffering was optional?

It sounds liberating to me.

And it’s very possible.

I see it being done every day.

Though it’s certainly not being displayed in mainstream media.

How to Cultivate Real Trust

The way to cultivate real trust is simple.

It’s a process of reprogramming.

From scarcity to abundance.

It’s simple, yes, but it can be confronting.

It asks you to face your fears.

And, honestly, this path isn’t for everyone. Not everyone is willing to devote themself to love.

Not love as a feeling you have towards someone, but love as a practice.

The practice of expressing care while dropping the urge to control.

The practice of relating as sovereign beings and not needing your lover to change.

Not needing to force misalignments for a sense of safety.

This path is for those who are willing to learn the skills to find safety in their nervous system as they divest from fear-based action and invest into the practice of honesty.

The practice of facing the fears that honesty brings up within our current social context.

This path is for those who are willing to practice the courage to love.

For love is not risk free.

It can feel extremely emotionally vulnerable.

Yet, if you’re unwilling to accept the risk, you won’t create the opportunity for love to flourish. For real trust to grow.

The path to relationship satisfaction is a spiritual one. As it will ask you to die and be born again. To let go of the scarcity tactics that your nervous system believes is keeping you safe, but is actually just keeping you stuck in a trauma response.

Healing from Collective Trauma

Living in an empire is inherently traumatizing. When you have to compete for safety, you’re living in constant fear. This is true whether or not you’re consciously aware of it.

So when you’re seeking to deepen connection through the social programming you’ve inherited within the U.S. empire, you’re operating from a trauma response.

And it’s not your fault you were indoctrinated into a culture where honesty is considered unsafe. Where scarcity is the norm.

But you get to choose how you show up to that programming.

Do you wanna stay stuck in a survival response?

Or are you willing to practice the courage to surrender to the fear?

Are you willing to take a risk for the sake of deeper connection and deeper satisfaction?

What if you were able to train your nervous system that honesty is safe?

When your nervous system feels safe enough to express honestly without fearing for survival, you are healing from the trauma of living in an empire.

You’re inviting in deeply secure and fulfilling connections.

Fear will be present no matter which path you choose. It’s a matter of how you respond to those fears that can lead you towards a different outcome.

The Path Forward

The path of reprogramming into love and abundance is a life-long journey.

Practicing the courage to love is a lifestyle.

There are many lessons to learn, big and small, which I will be offering in upcoming posts as part of a series called A Course in Trust.

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This lifestyle is so much more than just lessons. Healing takes place through consistent action — AKA, practice.

Each lesson in A Course in Trust is accompanied by practices you can put into action today to start actively reprogramming.

It’s Bigger than You

As Earth transitions out of the age of War and into the age of Love, your healing is an active force of change. Your energetic body comprises Earth’s auric field, like a cell in a body.

The more you act from love and less from fear, the closer Earth reaches the tipping point where love becomes the dominant vibration on this beautiful planet  💕