Peace is Here Now
…if you choose to see it.
and if you choose to feed it.
I recently found myself pleasantly surprised by how I reacted to a transphobic microaggression.
A previous version of myself would have gone to war with this person — not physically, but emotionally.
Let me explain –
We were sitting in a circle, taking turns introducing ourselves with our name and pronouns.
One person, in particular, got triggered by the prompt to include our pronouns.
Without going into detail, their energy was tense, fiery and rigid.
It seemed like they were struggling to name their boundary around not wanting to use pronouns, and instead, came off combative and anti-social.
The tension was palpable.
And who am I to judge them?
As a trans person, a past version of myself would have been personally offended.
I would have gotten self righteous and combative.
“If they aren’t willing to participate in making this a safe space for trans people, then either they need to leave or I’m leaving.”
However, in present time, I found myself responding by giving them so much space just to be exactly where they are and who they are right here, right now.
My nervous system was definitely activated, but I met the activation with curiosity and compassion.
On an energetic level, what was happening is that they had gotten triggered, which had then triggered me.
And since the tension was palpable, that was the energy their introduction was radiating into the group space.
And so for me to respond to their combative energy with more combative energy, would have created a battle.
And as a disciple of love, I’m committed to peace on Earth.
Sometimes that means remembering that people’s experience has nothing to do with me.
Who was I to reduce this person to being a transphobe?
I mean, maybe they were – who knows?
But, I was at a choice point.
Do I want to indulge in the energy of war, or the energy of peace?
Part of my peace practice is relying on the energetic skills I’ve been learning in psychic school to ground my energy and clear someone else’s energy out of my space.
The magical thing about this practice is that it’s invisible.
It doesn’t cause a scene.
I can do this very serenely.
So I took a few deep breaths and worked my magic.
And voilá – that created more space for me to feel into my heart.
To bring compassion and curiosity into the interaction.
What if they’re not transphobic?
What if they just don’t understand how pronouns work?
What if they’re just insecure about English grammar?
Or let’s say they are transphobic – maybe they just haven’t connected with a trans person on a heart level.
Maybe this is simply a chapter of their path of love and liberation.
We are going through collective spiritual awakening after all.
Who am I to judge someone’s timeline?
What’s certain about how I choose to respond to a transphobic microaggression, is that I can – at the very least – create the possibility for peace. For connection.
I can be the change by being spiritually mature.
By not reacting to someone’s reaction.
It’s like when you have a nursery and one baby is disregulated — very quickly the other babies can become disregulated just by sharing the space.
Energy is contagious.
If my vessel is a conduit of energy, let me not be a firehose, but an anchor.
I can’t guarantee the outcome, but what’s certain is that I have the power within me to create the conditions for peace.
As a retired self-righteous activist, what I’ve learned over the years is that real transformation comes, not from dominating, but through relating.
It is often a process that doesn’t happen overnight.
It moves at the speed of trust.
When I think back to times when people with opposing views have tried to shove their perspective down my throat, it only made me put my guard up and double down on my perspective.
I experience it as a form of violence.
Proving that someone (or something) is “right” or “wrong” is part of a war paradigm.
The deeper I go into the spiritual path, the more I understand that there are multiple truths.
And that everyone’s experience is valid, even – and especially – if they’re at odds with each other.
Letting go of “right” or “wrong” thinking, of course, can be extremely challenging.
Especially when such deep violence is being committed – like genocide, for example.
From my perspective, it’s so clear to me that genocide is wrong.
That it’s simply unnecessary, and even goes against human nature.
And at the same time, I remember that we are all one being.
We are all God (or source, if you will) and God is us.
I remember that separation is an illusion.
An intentional experience that source created in order to gain the opportunity to grow and evolve.
No challenge, no growth.
When I remember that my neighbor is me and that I am my neighbor – that we are all part of source and source flows through us – it helps me soften my heart to the perspective of those I disagree with.
On a higher realm, this material simulation is all intentional.
We are confronting the illusion of division to remember to come together.
If we are all part of the whole, who am I to judge the perspective of my neighbor?
When in reality, their perspective is also part of my perspective on a higher realm.
All of our perspectives make up the whole.
We are a part of each other.
And just because someone believes something different than me doesn’t mean their emotional experience isn’t valid.
Maybe they agree genocide is wrong, but maybe from their limited perspective (like mine), they don’t understand this to be genocide.
Perhaps this is an extreme example to offer as it’s happening in real time at a high price.
People are dying in horrific ways.
Hearts are breaking, including mine.
But what I mean to say is – when I think back to a time when I, myself, had different beliefs than I do now (I was raised in Missouri by Trump supporters after all) I remember that my heart did not soften overnight.
It was through curiosity that I slowly expanded time and time again.
Peeling back layer after layer of the shell that was protecting my broken, fearful heart.
The rigidity of “right” or “wrong” thinking creates a brittle container for relationships.
When our goal is to “win” the morality contest or prove the facts, we are not relating to each other, but dominating each other.
And when one feels dominated, one is not opening their energy to new possibilities.
The intention to force change upon someone is counterproductive at best, and violent at worst.
In contrast, compassion is a soft landing pad.
Compassion creates the conditions for vulnerability.
To be curious in real time in front of another feels vulnerable within a war paradigm (the context of our times).
It takes courage to be vulnerable in front of another.
And thus, it requires trust.
How do we build trust?
Not by force, but through listening and validating someone’s emotional experience.
Recently, I’ve had the opportunity to hold emotional space for various cis straight men through my coaching practice. When these guys initially booked with me, I was triggered before even meeting them.
After all, I had been emotionally abused, physically abused, sexually assaulted, raped, dismissed, belittled and tormented by men.
My heart was so broken by the patriarchal violence that circulates throughout the world and that had been cast upon my sensitive being throughout the years – particularly when I was young and vulnerable — that I closed my heart off to men.
I had written them all off as unworthy of my time.
“Why would I hold emotional space for a man? He doesn’t deserve it.”
When one of my male clients was sharing with me about his porn addiction and how he didn’t feel sexually attracted to his wife because she was fat, my nervous system was activated.
What I wanted to say was “let’s unpack how you’ve internalized patriarchy and fatphobia.”
Which is true.
This is one way to understand things.
But his emotional vulnerability softened something inside of me.
He had never expressed these things to anyone in his life – not even his wife.
It felt too vulnerable to express. And he carried so much shame around his experience.
With time, it became clear to me that I wasn’t supporting him by preaching about internalized oppression (patriarchy and fatphobia).
Transformation happens through trusting relationships.
It goes without saying, that it was significantly healing for me to be the one holding more power within this dynamic with a cis straight man.
The trust he had gifted me to be vulnerable and honest about his emotional experience.
I mean, part of patriarchal oppression is castrating men from their emotions, which in turn socially isolates them.
Social isolation is a form of violence.
Men suffer from patriarchy too, just in a different way than women.
The more I work with this demographic, the more I realize that a tender, child-like part of them is dying to have the space to get things off their chest.
I often find myself simply sitting in the rawness of them liberating their truth for the first time, often, in their lives – and these are middle aged men with wives and children.
Through these relationships, what I’ve learned is that transformation does not come through force, through self-righteous opinions that you then convince someone of.
It does not come through judgment or punishment.
It can be as gentle as creating space for their experience.
Spaciousness creates the conditions for curiosity to emerge.
And curiosity is a transformative energy.
When I envision the energy of curiosity I see a flower blossoming.
Each pedal opening one by one, expanding outwards.
An unfolding.
Curiosity is an invitation for growth.
It’s consensual by nature.
It was by validating his emotional experience – his fears, his concerns, his needs, his desires, his shame, the love in his heart – that he was able to heal and move forward from a place of abundance.
If I were to have judged him for his internalized oppression and made him “wrong” about what he was feeling, it would have broken the trust in our relationship.
And we heal in relationships just as much as we hurt in relationships.
I grew from this experience just as much as he did.
He gifted me the opportunity to observe my judgmental, self-righteous ego and simply land into curiosity and compassion.
For me, that was a deep practice of surrender.
And while it took emotional and spiritual effort for me to observe my ego and then gently lay it to the side – it made my job as the healer much more easeful.
I didn’t have to prove him right or wrong.
I didn’t give him a formula for what to do.
I wasn’t coming from head, but my heart.
With his consent, I continued asking questions that, layer by layer, softened his heart.
It is not through telling, but through asking, that transformation happens.
That healing happens.
Bringing it back to the example of genocide – maybe that’s one of the most challenging tests of spiritual development. To lay down the sword of “right” or “wrong,” but to trust in the long arc of transformative relationships.
If I’m deeply committed to peace on Earth, then I’m committed to fostering the conditions of unity consciousness.
As much as I’d love to end genocide right here, right now, today – I understand that peace doesn’t happen overnight.
For peace to manifest in the material realm, it must come from the heart’s center.
Trying to pry someone’s heart open will only close it off more.
We cannot battle our way to peace – as tempting as it is when we’re morally invested in a particular outcome.
What if peace on Earth didn’t require more war?
What if peace on Earth came through spiritual enlightenment?
— not guns and tanks and moral debates?
One of my spiritual mentors who channels entities from higher realms – those who are part of the collective who are helping guide Earth on her spiritual ascension journey – say that we only need 30% of humans on Earth to spiritually awaken for there to be peace on a global scale.
We are all part of Earth’s aura – her energy field.
Like cells in a body.
When one person spiritually awakens, it impacts the entire energy field.
When 30% of the human population awakens, the consciousness is elevating exponentially until there is no point of return.
A global awakening is inevitable.
So let us stop digging our heels in opposition.
For, when we do so, we are fanning the flame of imperialist world order.
Scarcity and abundance exist at the same time all at once.
A friend recently shared with me that in Daoism, the ying and yang symbol is drawn out in such a way that it looks like there is a stagnant, defined boundary between ying and yang.
When, in reality, it’s more like a lava lamp.
Or like when you mix oil and water.
It’s all existing simultaneously all at once.
Intermingled.
In the same way, peace and violence are happening simultaneously all at once – at least until war is eradicated once and for all.
Many years ago, I learned from the East Bay Meditation Center that our thoughts are like seeds.
And we water them with our awareness.
Whichever seeds we bring attention to will grow.
If global peace is achieved through unity consciousness, let us focus our attention towards building trusting relationships.
Let us practice patience, curiosity and compassion.
May we trust in the long arc of the path to peace.
May we not spin our wheels in war mentality, replicating war tactics in our activism.
As Audre Lorde says, “the master’s tools will never dismantle the master’s house.”
May we trust that, by laying down the weapon of our ego, that global peace will be inevitable with time.
With practice.
If we want peace, let’s practice peace — right here, right now, today.
Let us release expectations that every invitation for peace — for connection — will be accepted.
Let us not lose hope when our invitation is rejected.
Let us redirect our attention towards peace by creating more invitations.
It’s only a matter of time until we reach the 30% threshold.
So let us not get lost in the chaos of the broken-heartedness that inevitably arises within cultures of war.
Let us shape reality by watering the seeds of peace.
Together.
May we meet violent atrocity with gentle revolution.
The chaos is temporary, dear beloveds.
Please remember.
To bring it full circle, when our ritual circle came to a close and we communed afterwards — without effort, I overheard a conversation between two members of the circle.
One approached the other, saying
“Hey, in your introduction I heard you say that you don’t understand pronouns.
Would you like to know more about them?
I could tell you what I know.”
And from a place of genuine curiosity, the recipient said “yes, that she’d like to know more.”
If she would have said “no,” that would have been that.
But she chose to receive the invitation.
So she told her what she knew:
“The practice of saying our pronouns when we introduce ourselves can create emotional safety for the transgender community.
Some trans people can feel emotionally distraught when the wrong pronouns are used for them and they don’t feel welcome in the space.
When we say our pronouns, we’re not assuming what someone’s gender is based on their appearance.
And for some trans people, this small practice can be the make-or-break between them feeling comfortable enough to participate in a space.”
To which, the other responded,
“Ohhh I had no idea – I had never heard of that before.
Thanks for telling me.”
It was short, simple, and non-judgmental.
The cherry on top, for me, was that this conversation was happening between two cis women.
My heart was so soft and joyful witnessing this expansive interaction – particularly witnessing a cis woman pro-actively being in allyship with the trans community without needing to be guided nor rewarded.
And, from my perspective, she expressed the importance of pronouns very accurately.
I was amazed, relieved and inspired.
My heart was melted and I was filled with gratitude.
Had I been unwilling to let go of my trigger earlier in the circle, it could have been possible that I didn’t have space in my awareness to pick up on that interaction.
Or even if I did, I might not have felt the depth of softening in my heart if I were still clinging to the energy of dividedness – focusing my energy on war and not what’s possible.
Peace is right here right now.
As long as our hearts are open to tap into it.
And the more we tap into this vibration of peace – of love, of trusting, consenting relationships.
Of curiosity and compassion – the more the energetic vibration of peace ripples throughout the ecosystem, our vessel serving as a node, a conductor, a channel.
As I write these gently revolutionary words, there’s part of me that feels fearful.
The younger part of me who cannot understand this soft, expansive perspective – the part of me whose heart has been tattered by patriarchal violence.
The part of me who doesn’t feel safe enough to drop the weapon of self-righteousness fears how my present self might be criticized by others who are in a similar place to who I used to be.
Not to say that one’s better than the other.
We’re all arriving to the same destination (universal peace) at our own pace.
Divine timing.
My present self receives the wisdom of my inner ecosystem and understands that some people will be triggered by this message.
That some people will tell me “I’m wrong” and that “I’m not doing enough.”
That I need to fight war with war.
And then there’s a part of me that doesn’t feel attached to how people perceive me.
Because my perspective is valid.
And so is yours.
And so is everyone’s.
In a peace paradigm, there is space for all of us.
Regardless of who we are and what life experiences have shaped our perspectives, human beings are worthy of having emotions.
Our emotional experiences are valid, even if they contradict each other.
It’s all part of this big, messy, chaotic human experience here on Earth school.
I’m grateful to feel confidently grounded in myself and in my community to know who I am – to not get lost in other people’s judgments.
To be guided from within – by spirit – rather than the criticisms of brittle relationships.
And so I offer this courageous, radically soft message as a gift to whoever is ready to receive it.
Cuz it’s not for everyone – and that’s ok.
And even if it’s not for you in this moment, may we still be on the same team as we make universal peace a reality.
May it be so.
And so it is.
